Dear Little One

Each day I woke up

Each night I slept

You’re the wish I have always prayed

Tears often rolled down my cheek

When my prayer left unanswered

Thinking the long period of waiting and this made me feel weak

Christmas came and I wished you were my Christmas present

Looking up the glittering stars

Hoping they’d help me that heaven will get my message

Then one morning as the sun gave me warm kisses

The two pink lines have finally told me that I have a new life to embrace

With the sweetness sent from above

Surely our lives will be filled with lots of love

Our life together has now begun

We are so blessed to have you Our Dear Little One.

  

My Prayers

While each one in our family was shouting & jumping and wishing for good health and a flourishing year at New Year’s Eve, I was in our bedroom in deep prayers.

 I prayed for a stronger faith that I can continue to hold on, to trust to God that He will provide what our heart desires.  I prayed for forgiveness that I kept on questioning him for a prayers left unanswered that somehow led me to forget to appreciate the other blessings He provided.

I prayed for continued guidance & wisdom for my hubby and me so that each day of this year and the years to come we may live the true essence of life to be a visible manifestation of God’s kindness & infinite love.  Thus, hopefully we can influence people to live the same way.

And good health & protection for everyone.

Happy New Year!

Goodbye and Hello

2010 will be bidding goodbye soon and I’m saying goodbye as well to all my heartaches and all the despondent moments of 2010.  As the cliché goes “ Count the blessings not the failures”

Resolutions & Plans for 2011?

I have lots but the first thing in my list would be, not to put pressure anymore on myself to conceive and leave all this to God.  Secondly, just give a beautiful smile to people who will ask about my age, baby & pregnancy. ( I really hope I can do this)  

You're all I want for Christmas

Christmas Day, supposedly a blissful day to spend but what happened in Christmas Eve is still fresh in my mind and in my heart.  I woke up in tears again today, feeling weak & sick.  When I tried to get up it seemed that every part of my body was in pain.  So I laid myself in bed for another hour closing my eyes and yearning that I could simply ease the pain by hanging a sock on my wall and then later will find out that Santa has given me the gift I wished for Christmas.

…And then I found myself singing these songs

You’re all I want for Christmas

All I want my whole life through

Each day is just like Christmas anytime when I’m with you…

(The first time I actually sang this song was when I joined a singing contest when I was in grade 4. ‘Twas my mom who chose this song and I did win the first place)

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Baby all I want for Christmas is you…

(A song by Mariah Carey, I didn’t sing the whole song, just this line and I kept repeating it…)

Tearful Christmas Eve

7:30pm- went to the airport to fetch my hubby from manila, after an hour hubby arrived

9:00pm-enjoying dinner with family with my bro from Cagayan and his 2 daughters, with my bro from negros with his wife and 2 sons, my hubby and mom-in-law.

9:30pm- exchanged gifts

10:00 pm- skype chat with my bro in Japan and his family

 All of us were so happy with our respective gifts and the chance to be together in this Christmas Eve as we rarely do this. My 6 brothers and I are living miles away from each other and I feel delighted that at least two of them with their family were able to celebrate Christmas with me & one was on live chat.

The laughing, eating noche buena and sharing of stories continued until I heard one of my bro’s sardonic voice saying. “Hahahahaha, I won’t appreciate Ging’s achievements…she’s childless !”.   I heard this so loud, so offensive, so excruciating not to my ear but to my heart.  The rests of my family pretended to be unaware of what he just said or never cared because he was drunk.  But I give a damn care! He just stabbed the wound in me which was already healing.   Although there was just hasty silence after he uttered that statement because my other bro quickly changed the topic, my wound of the infertility battle which has supposedly put to rest started to bleed again.

Without a word, I climbed upstairs and locked myself in the bedroom.  No sobbing sound heard but tears keep rolling down my face…even while I'm making this blog.   

The Fertility Symbol

Today wasn’t an early shopping for the Christmas Eve celebration; loads of people are in different shopping malls.  I guess the busy days started early on the 15^th, after receiving the 13^th month pay.  Good thing for me that I live only couple of minutes walk away from a mall.

I headed first to the house ornaments section, not planning to buy anything particular just something probably that I would really love to place in my house, especially that our house blessing is approaching.  My feet brought me to the figurines; I am not a big fan of figurines the few ones I owned were given by my friends.  It was the green laughing Buddha with a big tummy and 5 kids that enthralled me then I realized that it was the fertility symbol in feng shui that I have read in the internet.  I was amazed by myself that I didn’t give a second thought of buying it. 

I placed the fertility symbol in our bedroom. Although for the past days it seemed that I already ran out of inspiration, the smiling face of the Buddha and the kids somehow put a smile on my face as well.  And I said to myself  “I wish you’re smiling because you’re gonna say , Congratulation, you’re pregnant!”   

Loving my Christmas Decors

I feel great that for the past months of feeling murky inside, here I am sensing the warmth spirit of Christmas as I watch the output of my endeavors in putting up all these Christmas decors; Though I’m quite late since most of our neighbors have decorated early December.   Here are some pics J