Monday, November 15, 2010

Feel Like Giving Up


The past chapters of my life have defined me as optimistic and a fighter but now I can't even build anymore an armor of words and wear a mask to ward off my flaw in facing my anguish.  My vision became blurry with tears when I got my period yesterday.

The unending questions seem tormenting me for a sin I didn’t commit.  When will God answer our prayer?  What kind of prayers does He need to answer us? Why He’s not answering our prayer?  Am I still going to get pregnant?
  
We were advised by the doctor that if I don’t get pregnant after my last treatment of clomiphene the next step is IUI.   My husband and I never discuss on this & didn’t even bother to think about it.

 I finally decided to stop taking my fertility pills and even stop asking God for answers. All I wanna do now is to relax my mind and my body and I hope I can.

 Well, my friends & family don’t really know that I’m in distress as they always see me full of life & energy.  They don’t know that deep inside I feel like I’m tearing apart.

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